By Kyra Oakland

Interview of Colin Tipping who is the author of a book, Radical Forgiveness.

Click here for the interview transcript

Colin tipping begins the interview with describing how human beings try to understand situations and understand the motivations of others. Having an innate desire to understand why they did what they did to us and so on. 

Especially when something really serious has taken place anyway, the need to condemn is still much stronger than the need to forgive and that’s why it takes forever to forgive people. Its why most people never achieve it and why most people think it’s the most difficult thing that we’re ever asked to do.

But if you don’t allow yourself to have the feelings in the beginning then there’s no way you can transform them. You can’t heal what you don’t feel. 

So what Radical Forgiveness does is it takes the traditional forgiveness and then goes one big step further, a radical step further.

It rests on the principle—that everything that happens to us, actually happens for us—in the sense that there’s a reason for everything that happens. There’s a spiritual purpose in everything…every situation that we experience in our life is divinely guided in one form or another and we don’t understand how or why, but if we just open to the possibility that everything in fact does happen for a reason.

That everything that happens in our life is divinely guided then something happens energetically to us that brings us peace.

So that’s the big Radical Forgiveness step, that’s what makes it radical. Nothing that ever happens to us is without purpose or without some sort of gift for us in spiritual terms.

We don’t know the reasons for any of these things happening. But once we just open to the idea that there is a spiritual reason behind everything then it seems to work. I don’t have an answer for why terrible things happen besides that to the extent that Radical Forgiveness doesn’t work unless you apply it to everything, everything! And there can be no exception.

But in spiritual terms what we understand is that it’s all beautifully orchestrated to teach us, whatever it is, that we as human beings…spiritual beings having a human experience, need to be learning whilst on this planet, and some of the things that we learn through our own individual experiences and some of the things we learn through group experiences.

When people are able to look at it under a different light, everything changes. Everybody involved in the situation gets to be different, in some way healed or changed for the better and the person who is abused doesn’t feel victimized anymore. In other words, when we bring love to the situation instead of fear and hate then everything changes for the better.

STAGE ONE
The first stage is to tell the story, what happened? And tell it from the perspective of a victim. No spiritual overlay, no psychological excuses…just say, “This is what happened to me. This is what this person did to me.”

STAGE TWO

That’s when the anger arises, or the sadness or whatever it is underneath the story starts to come up and we give them full permission to feel those feelings and to do whatever they need to do to feel them. 

STAGE THREE

Take that story and start to pull it apart a little bit to see how much interpretation you’ve added to the story, how much you might be able to understand why the person did what they did, and all of the things that you would normally do with normal forgiveness.

STAGE FOUR

Radical Forgiveness reframe. OK, this happened but there was a reason for it and I’m willing to be open to the possibility that it was divinely inspired and that whatever happened was for my highest and best good and I’m willing to be open to that possibility.” That’s the reframe. OK I’m willing to be open the possibility that everything happens for a reason and when this person did what they did because that’s what my soul wanted and I got the lesson that I needed at the soul level

STAGE FIVE

Then the last stage is to integrate somehow into the physical body by doing something physical. The victim story was very much located in the cellular structure of your own body and had stayed there and what we had done in the process of doing the Radical Forgiveness you let go of your victim story and taken on a new story, a spiritual story if you like, what that needs to do is to get anchored in the physical body in place of the old victim story. That way it becomes permanent. So we’re dealing with all five bodies at the same time in order to get the energy pattern released.

My Thoughts

Honestly, I find myself caught in a whirlwind of confusion. When Colin insists on applying his philosophy to every situation, I struggle to see how it fits with my own tragedy: the loss of my brother. It’s a constant battle, this dance with the unknown, clinging to the notion that everything happens for a reason. But in the end, it happened—so what does it truly matter? Each day, I confront the tangled mess of grief that invades my heart and soul. I face quiet battles within myself, and I often wonder why I even bother. Will I ever be able to forgive the universe for taking away my brother? Is it even possible?

Through this unbearable pain of losing Haiden, I have found hidden depths within my mind, body, and spirit—depths I never would have discovered otherwise. Yet I would trade these insights in an instant for just one more day with him earthside. In one moment, I grasp the idea that his spiritual essence remains with me, weaving through my heart and soul, yet within the same breath, I ache for his laughter, his hugs, his smile—the little ways he always made my world brighter. God, I miss him every second of every day, and that void will echo through the rest of my god damn life.

I wrestle with the idea of whether everything truly happens for a reason; is this merely part of some grand design? I find no peace in the thought that it was destiny.

I understand Colin’s intentions; he advocates for releasing past traumas to pursue a peaceful life. I’ve embraced radical forgiveness in various aspects of my life, but the main source of my pain hasn’t matured enough to be healed by this philosophy. I remain in a black hole of grief, unsure if I’ll ever emerge. Still, I refuse to stop searching for healing, even if the path ahead is dark.

Simply yours, Ky